Art of Feedback
Feedback is crucial to driving human performance; it's a gift for the receiver and yet a responsibility for the giver. Let's be serious about it.
The Context
Lately, I have had quite a few spirited conversations with my colleagues about the role of feedback in shaping a high-performing organization. I practice asking for and delivering real-time feedback (praise and criticism). I do realize that not everyone lives by those principles.
The employer-employee relationship dynamics have shifted in the wake of great resignation. Companies are stacking up benefits, offering handsome compensation packages with a multitude of perks, and promising a world of opportunities to retain and attract talent. With so much power and situational leverage in the hands of employees, I see so many managers and leaders worried about providing candid criticism. Here are a few thought patterns I am observing in managers:
- What if I hurt their feelings?
- What if they choose to leave?
- What if they take it otherwise?
The underlying problem
My long-standing observation is that most 1-on-1s/ feedback meetings are approached adversarially, except the tension is not overt - it's somewhat under the covers. A classic and highly ineffective tactic managers apply is to sandwich the criticism between positive remarks to soften the proverbial blow. Meanwhile, the team members' tactic is to paint a glorious overview of all good things while hiding their struggles and flaws. The goal of both parties is to come out of feedback meetings upholding how they are perceived by one another.
This type of feedback conversation does no good to anyone. As an example, consider consulting profession, where team composition keeps changing based on client engagement, problem statement, and talent availability. There is a fair chance that a manager might not work with the same individuals again throughout their career. As such, the manager can afford to shy away from the difficult feedback conversation by rolling a struggling team member off their team/ competency/ sector and making it someone else's problem. Meanwhile, they can continue to uphold their image of "the nice person." Not only does this approach does a disservice to the team member, but it also hurts the organization as a whole.
I have often run into poor performers (at junior and senior levels) lurking under the radar because someone decided not to offer them constructive criticism. As a result, my team and I have had to spend an enormous amount of time bridging the talent gap and pulling their slack. Not to mention, ultimately, I had to have that dreaded 1-on-1 conversation with them, their coaches and the HR leadership (Demand Management and Talent Consultants).
Getting stuck in the "be-nice" trap
The nature of my work requires me to be the contrarian and dissenter to bring on a healthy challenge, address elephants in the room, ask difficult questions and call BS when I see it. My profession does not afford me to be agreeable at all times. Does this make me not nice/ less nice? Probably Yes.
But do I need to be nice? Not Really. What I do need, though, is kindness. And niceness and kindness are worlds apart:
Telling a struggling team member they are not doing well might not be the nicest thing, but it is the kind thing to do. Similarly, expressing dissent when you disagree isn't necessarily nice, but it is the kind thing to do.
You see, being nice is the easy way out, and being kind takes thoughtfulness, care, and courage. Perhaps, this is why some of us get stuck in the be nice trap. Another apparent reason is the oppressive work culture where employees are not empowered to speak their minds openly, and leaders are not provided with coaching to deliver feedback effectively, thus causing a vicious cycle of feedback fails.
Classic feedback fails
#1: Treated as a monologue of sorts: We all have worked with a manager who offers endless feedback during the 1-on-1s but never pauses to seek feedback on how they are supporting the team. I never enjoyed those conversations and never approached them with 100% sincerity. I always felt like I had to keep up an appearance and exit the room unscathed. On the contrary, I have derived more value from conversations with the leaders who have shown curiosity about my perspective and demonstrated vulnerability by sharing how they fk'd up or simply paused to ask me how they can help me better.
If you are a manager or a leader and you are treating the 1-on-1 meetings as a monologue session, you are losing a significant opportunity to build trust - without which the feedback isn't going to be effective in driving performance.
#2: Not delivered timely: Drawing an analogy from competitive sports here, the coach provides feedback while the game is on and the player is still on the field, enabling the team to win the game. That is how we should approach the feedback at the workplace too.
Often I learn from my mentees that they received criticism during their bi-annual performance review, which caught them by surprise. By that time, it's too late. This delayed delivery can cause frustration, the feeling of helplessness, and distrust.
I had some of my best plays and wins when my manager kept hitting me with actionable feedback in real-time. At the start of my career at PwC, I happened to have one of the most incredible managers one could have. For the first three-year period, right after every client presentation, workshop, client meeting, or deliverable review, we would pow-wow for 5 mins to deliver the feedback. They knew my strengths and gaps - they coached me hard, rewarded me big, and did so in real-time.
#3: Lacking specificity: Specifically pointing out what went well and did not go well is the best way to ensure nothing is lost in translation. Vague feedback sounds like:
- Praise: You are doing great; keep at it.
- Criticism: You need to polish your communication; the slides you sent over are not up to the mark. Can you redo them? I have sent some samples your way for reference.
As a feedback giver, taking time to note the specifics is essential to gain alignment. As an example:
- Praise: I like how you answered the client's question regarding business architecture. It was quick thinking, and the answer was crisp. I saw the stakeholders nodding their heads - it looks like it resonated with them. Great job! We should get you involved in more pursuits.
- Criticism: I reviewed the slides you sent over yesterday. It has a lot of detail that needs to be in the appendix. For the main presentation, we need to show the summary view that is consumable by executives. The lead lines need to connect into a cohesive story. Overall, a lot of content synthesis needs to be done; I have sent you a few samples for inspiration. Can you take another pass at this? How may I help?
Getting better at the art of feedback
Let's face it — giving feedback is tough, especially when you must deliver criticism. Many managers dread these tough conversations for fear of confrontation. With great resignation in the backdrop, this dread is compounded. There is also an acute lack of leadership coaching and resources for managers to prepare them for people and performance evaluation responsibilities.
When I started learning and researching effective feedback mechanisms, I stumbled upon Radical Candor by Kim Scott (thanks, LinkedIn!). It is an excellent resource that helps you practice the art of feedback and gets deep into details of relationship building and being an effective team manager.
![Radical Candor: It really is possible to Care Personally and Challenge Directly at the same time [1]](https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*hsUNYzIgCcdh3vArQZLNBg.png)
I have shared this framework with my team(s) so that we all have a common understanding of the principle that caring for someone is about being radically candid with them. While the choice of words and tone of the message is unquestionably essential, it's a work-in-progress for many (including myself). At least my managerial intentions are clear, and our relationship is based on trust.
In Conclusion
The way feedback is delivered at workplaces has been ineffective as it is, and it's only getting worse now, given the unprecedented organizational focus on improving employee experience. I am afraid that the pendulum will swing too far left unless we recognize and remediate the feedback fails.
Feedback should be considered a tool for growth, not for criticism. We need to create cultures where everyone believes feedback is for their benefit, so they are more likely to hear and grow from it. And this responsibility lies in the hands of all managers and leaders within an organization. Without effective feedback, it's virtually impossible to drive toward a high-performing culture where everyone can thrive and flourish by generating the most value for themselves, their customers, society, and the business. Let's be responsible about it.
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References:
[1]Radical Candor: https://www.radicalcandor.com/our-approach/
[3] https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/kindness-leadership-ethics-santa-clara-university.html